Voyager Parody

[Huw]

ROFL LMAO!!!!

[Will Karelia]

OK, bear with me, cuz this is REALLY long, ok. BTW, this is a rip-off of Endgame.

Newscaster: Lemme lay some exposition on you. Voyager took 23 years to get home. This is 10 years after that. Janeway is old and sad. All clear? Let's rock.

Sabrina: Hi, I'm Naomi's daughter Sabrina. Sab for short. Admiral Sab to you.
Future Kim: So in ten years or so, you'll be Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Hee hee hee!
Sabrina: I hex you.

Future Kim: Nice reunion. Too bad I missed the funeral of Ch--
Admiral Janeway: Shut up! That's supposed to be ambiguous at this point.

Future Doc: Hi. I'm Joe and this is my trophy wife.
Future Paris: You named yourself after Carey? Bad karma.
Lana: Just be glad I talked him out of "The Loooooooove Doctor."

Future Barclay: A toast to Voyager's dead guys: Cha--
Admiral Janeway: Shh!
Future Barclay: and Se--
Admiral: Shh!

Admiral: Okay, class, ask me some questions.
Student 1: Why are you just going by "Admiral"?
Admiral: "Admiral Janeway" takes too long to type. Next?
Student 2: Do you intend to travel back in time and alter history so that Voyager gets home 16 years earlier, violating the Temporal Prime Directive and risking irreparable damage to the timestream?
Admiral: I plead the Fifth.

Miral Paris: (over the comm) Your foolhardy Klingon-related mission is ready to go.
Admiral: Excellent.

Admiral: I have to go, my poor insane friend.
Future Tuvok: .lla uoy esufnoc ot sraey rof sdrawkcab gniklat neeb tsuj ev'I ,enasni ton m'I.
(I'm not insane, I've just been talking backwards for years to confuse you all.)
Admiral: Ah, Tuvok...you're crazier than a room full of chimps on a caffeine high.

Future Barclay: Can I come? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Admiral: No, somebody has to spill the beans to Joe later.

Admiral: Now to chat with my dead first officer.
Chakotay's Ghost: Wooooooo! Booga booga! Fear my wrath, trespasser!
Admiral: Oh, go away.
Ghost: Don't like the spooky stuff? I can be Chakotay the Friendly Ghost if you want....
Admiral: I see you're a suckup in death as in life.

Torres: ARRRRGH! When will this accursed pregnancy end?
Doc: You know the rules. No births may take place unless we're under attack.

Chakotay: Woooooo! Booga booga! Oh, wait...we're back in Season 7 now, aren't we?
Janeway: Stop wasting the final J/C scene on confusion. So, want a date later?
Chakotay: No. I don't like you anymore.
Janeway: That's cool, I didn't like you in the first place.

Chakotay: Well, here we go with C/7. So what exactly do you see in me?
Seven: Your many tree-like qualities? I dunno.
Chakotay: I'm stumped too.

Doc: You lost to Icheb? Either you're going insane or he cheated.
Tuvok: If you mix up the letters of "Chakotay," you get "oak yacht."
Doc: Insanity it is.

Neelix: (over the comm) I'm getting a steady stream of death threats from J/Cers and D/7ers for suggesting that picnic. So how did it go?
Seven: Not bad. He's handsome for an oak yacht.

Janeway: We've found a nebula full of wormholes.
Kim: But wouldn't the wormholes suck up the nebula?
Janeway: I said wormholes, not plot holes.

Joe: Perhaps I'll find a clue in Tuvok's rants.
Future Tuvok: ".oh ykcat a" teg uoy ",yatokahC" fo srettel eht pu xim uoy fI
(If you mix up the letters of "Chakotay," you get "a tacky ho."
Joe: I've had enough of your backtalk.

Future Barclay: J-J-Janeway's mission is c-c-c-classified.
Joe: You're stuttering.
Future Barclay: No I'm n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-not.

Korath: Hello. I am a Klingon.
Admiral: Yeah, like I hadn't noticed.
Korath: Hello. I am a Klingon.
Admiral: You just said that!
Guard: That's all he says. It's his only personality trait.

Paris: AAAAAAAA! A cube!
Chakotay: I need more information. Borg cube, sugar cube, Rubik's cube, what?

Borg: There's Voyager. Let's get it.
Borg Queen: You idiots! Don't you remember our foolish "don't strike till we feel threatened" policy?

Kim: I say we should go back into the nebula.
Paris: The Borg would get us, fool.
Kim: I know. I have an assimilation wish.

Chakotay: Time for another C/7 scene.
Seven: Ho-hum.

Doc: Time for a D/7 scene. Right? Right?
Seven: No, loser. I have a new man now.
Doc: Holographic?
Seven: Wooden.
Doc: I thought they stopped making those.

Admiral: Now I will steal your time-travel gizmo.
Korath: Hello. I am a Klingon.
Admiral: You know, all things considered, you're not the most fearsome adversary I've ever faced.

Future Kim: I have come to prevent you from changing the past.
Admiral: If you let me do it, I'll give you a cookie.
Future Kim: Done.

Seven: I'm emotional now. Kiss me, yacht-boy!
Chakotay: Hang on -- what exactly are "emotions"?

Admiral: Here I go into the past.
Future Kim: Hey! You never gave me that cookie!
Admiral: Oh, boo hoo.

Admiral: Greetings, my idiotic past self. I (you) am here to get you (me) home.
Janeway: This is going to get very confusing very fast.

Borg Queen: As Part I ends, I'm watching everything they do. How ominous is that?
Admiral: Welcome to Part II. Here's the scoop: I'm you, just older, and I've come back so you guys can get home earlier.
Janeway: You're aware, of course, that this all makes about as much sense as the backwards ramblings of a Vulcan nutcase.
Admiral: Less, actually.

Doc: I see you have a chip in your head.
Admiral: Yep. It lets me fly ships with my brain.
Janeway: Brain and brain! What is brain?

Captain's Log: At last I have a good excuse for talking to myself.

Seven: AAAAAAAA! It's the original Borg Queen!
Borg Queen: I don't remember the idea ever being original. Anyway, stay out of my nebula.
Seven: I don't wanna.
Borg Queen: Do you "wanna" get assimilated?
Seven: Would you settle for Harry?

Seven: The Queen gave me a warning.
Admiral: Big whoop. She's irrelevant.
Janeway: You know, Borg clichés are futile.

Chakotay: Time for another C/7 scene.
Seven: Ho-hum.

Paris: The last P/T scene...I'm nostalgic already. Nice to be the only 'ship C/7 didn't mess up, isn't it?
Torres: Very. Now get lost, I'm engineering.

Borg: We're Borg. Get assimilated. Resistance sucks.
Janeway: Our armoured ship will now kick your collective butt.
Borg: Oh, fiddlesticks.

Seven: A transwarp hub!
Janeway: Cool! Can anybody read the lettering on the transwarp hubcap?
Admiral: What's your problem? Go home already!
Janeway: You know, I've had quite enough of your transwarp hubris....

Janeway: I vote we blow it up.
Admiral: I vote we use it to get home.
Kim: Do I get a vote?
Janeway: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, you're serious?

Admiral: Okay, I'll level with you: Seven's going to die. And marry Chakotay.
Janeway: Oh no! Which one happens first?

Janeway: I hear you're slowly going nuts.
Tuvok: To quote Spock: "Yes."
Janeway: When did he say that?
Tuvok: Well, he must have at some point.

Admiral: But you're going to die! How can that not bother you?
Seven: Well, it'll get me out of being yacht-boy's wife....

Janeway: So I'd like to blow up yet another chance to get home. Is that cool with you guys?
Kim: It's so cool with me I'm going to make a speech. (ahem) Voyager good, Borg bad.
Paris: Well said. Let's drink.

Admiral: Sorry I've been so moronic.
Janeway: No biggie. Wanna sacrifice your life to get us home?
Admiral: I was hoping you'd say that.

Chakotay: Time for another C/7 scene.
Seven: Ho-hum. This is the last one, right?

Torres: GYAAAAAAAGGGH! I'm in labour!
Paris: It's Labour Day? Wahoo! Three-day weekend!
Torres: Come closer so I can pull your brain out through your eye sockets.

Admiral: Hiya. I've come to compromise with Borg.
Borg Queen: I thought you didn't do that.
Admiral: That's the other me. This me thinks Borg are nifty.
Borg Queen: Okay. Mind being one?
Admiral: Yeah, kinda--GAK!

Janeway: Here we are in the transwarp hub. Fire!
Tuvok: There it goes. Oo, what a pretty explosion.
Janeway: Okay, Tom, burn rubber!
Paris: That expression only makes sense in a vehicle with tires.
Janeway: Do I have to demote you again?

Borg Queen: ARRRRRRGH! "Too late, my time has come...sent shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time...."
Admiral: Why are you singing "Bohemian Rhapsody"?
Borg Queen: I'm the Borg Queen, aren't I? "Goodbye everybody, I've got to go...."

Tuvok: There's a sphere coming for us like the enormous transwarp bowling ball of destiny.
Janeway: That was descriptive. Can we escape?
Kim: Yes, but that'll get us lost again.
Janeway: Hmmm....

Barclay: Oh no, a Borg sphere! Wait, it exploded. And Voyager was inside.
Janeway: (over the comm) Wahoo! We're back!
Admiral Paris: Good. Now I can finally put you on trial for your many, many crimes.
Janeway: Eep.

Doc: Hey Tom, your daughter wants to say hi!
Miral: Hi.
Doc: Stop that, you can't speak yet.

Tuvok: Woo hoo! We made it home! Weeeeee are the chammmmpions! Rah! Rah!
Janeway: Somebody get Tuvok out of that cheerleader outfit.
Chakotay: And put Seven in it?
Seven: You wish.
(Voyager heads off to Earth for the first time in 7 years)

THE END

[Hedford]

COOL!!!:P:P

[Will Karelia]

Unimatrix Zero

Borg Queen: What's the interlink frequency?
Unfortunate Drone: Beats me.
Borg Queen: Wrong answer. Off with his head!

Seven: ....and then this guy walked up to me, and then I woke up.
Doc: Sounds like a dream to me. Wear this so I can spy on the next one.

Janeway: Welcome back to Lieutenantness, Tom! Now kiss B'Elanna so we can shut the P/Ters up for a while.

Tuvok: That colony was destroyed by the Borg.
Janeway: Computer, make an official entry for the ship's record: sucks to be that colony.

Seven: Where am I?
Axum: Unimatrix Zero. The Borg equivalent of Happy Land.
Seven: I don't like the sound of that.

Borg Queen: No luck so far. Cut off some more heads.

Axum: So if it's not too much trouble, please endanger your crew's lives.
Seven: Okay. Bye!

Paris: Fight the Borg again? I don't like you anymore.
Seven: May I, Captain? Please? Please?
Janeway: I want to talk to Axum first. Tuvok, invent an ancient Vulcan technique we've never heard of before.

Doc: I don't like this.
Janeway: When was the last time you liked anything? Let's go.

Janeway: Am I wrong, or are you more human in here?
Seven: No way José. Annika don't talk the lingo no different on the flip side, G.

Borg Queen: Found it! Oh wait, no we didn't. Screw it, let's just crash their party.

Janeway: Ever thought about actually doing something?
Axum: Hmm...no, can't say I have. Hey, there's a drone!
Janeway: Oo, a chance to show off my bat'telh skills and blow our cover!

Janeway: So my plan is to break the heck out of the Prime Directive, start a civil war, and put us all at incredible risk. Any objections?
Chakotay: Sounds good to me.

Doc: That nanovirus was really easy.
Torres: Let's pick a really hard cube to make up for it.

Seven: There go some more drones.
Axum: Yup. By the way, we used to be lovers.
Seven: Now you tell me.

Janeway: I'm going alone. See ya.
Tuvok: Aw! I wanna come!
Torres: Me too!
Janeway: No.
Chakotay: Change your mind.
Janeway: Okay, yes.

Borg Queen: Mind your own business!
Janeway: I'd rather mind yours too.
Borg Queen: I'll get you for that, Harry.

Paris: Want me to sabotage the ship for you, baby?
Torres: No, but thanks for the offer.

Janeway: Well, this is my stop. The ship's all yours.
Chakotay: Can I call myself a Captain? Please? Please?

Axum: Okay, the resistance is ready to go.
Seven: Good. Just before we go: no offense, but you're a total loser.
Axum: I'll keep that in mind.

Torres: The Flyer's in position to get pointlessly blown up.
Janeway: Good. Let's go get pointlessly assimilated.

Borg Queen: Janeway, you really suck.

Doc: The away team's screwed, Commander!
Chakotay: Great! Let's blow this joint. And call me Captain.

Tuvok: Hey, B'Elanna. How's it going?
Torres: Not bad, except for the whole assimilation thing.

Korok: You like Axum. Admit it.
Seven: Bite me.
Korok: Word of advice: don't say that to a Klingon. Remember "Blood Fever"?

Janeway: Something wrong, Tuvok?
Tuvok: I hear Borg people....

Axum: I got a Borg! I got a Borg! Oh wait, it's just you.
Seven: Where have you been?
Axum: Setting tr--wait a sec, why do you care?
Seven: Um...I don't care, Korok does. Yes, that will do.

Tuvok: If the Queen gets me, promise you'll kill me.
Janeway: No problem. It's way too soon for this season's Evil Tuvok episode.

Paris: As the first officer, I say we bring them back.
Chakotay: As the Captain, I say you suck.

Borg Queen: Gotcha.
Tuvok: Aw, nuts.

Doc: The sensors say Tuvok just got got.
Chakotay: Changed my mind -- let's bring them back after all.
Paris: Ha! Paris 1, Chakotay 0!
Chakotay: Oh, shut up.

Torres: The virus is in. Let's get out of here!
Tuvok: I think not. Oh, and would you mind killing me?
Janeway: Okay, here goes. OW!
Tuvok: Too late. Take her away, boys.

Chakotay: Let's get 'em!
Kim: Um, Evil Tuvok just killed our shields.
Chakotay: In that case, let's not get 'em.

Borg Queen: Hey, I'm suddenly losing thousands of drones!
Drone: Like me, for example. Hehehehe. Uh oh, I shouldn't have said that out loud....

Janeway: Why'd you bring me here?
Borg Queen: The usual. You know, threatening you and your ship with obliteration.
Janeway: You don't scare me. Hey, you just killed that cube!
Borg Queen: I blame you.
Janeway: That's blatantly unfair, but just to further the plot I'll feel guilty anyway.

Doc: You like Axum. Admit it.
Seven: No. I mean, yes.
Doc: d*mn. I mean, good.

Seven: The Voyager away team is screwed unless somebody helps them.
Korok: Big deal.
Axum: Chicken. Buck-buck-buck-ba.
Korok: Fine, fine, I'll check if there's somebody near there. But it better not be me.

Axum: Turns out I'm actually in a galaxy far, far away.
Seven: Well, we still have Unimatrix Zero. Unless Janeway destroys it or something.
Axum: Come on, how likely is that? Let's kiss.

Borg Queen: Want to be assimilated, kid?
Kid: Isn't that a bad thing?
Borg Queen: No, no, it's fun. All the cool kids are getting assimilated. You know you want to.

Janeway: So what's the next step in your Evil Plan?
Borg Queen: Killing them all, unless you have a better idea.
Janeway: How about letting me go back to my ship to deliver a secret message?
Borg Queen: Works for me.

Doc: Hey Commander, you've got mail!
Janeway: The hawk flies at midnight. Sergeant Pepper's legions are seen on the vertical horizon. The letter J.
Chakotay: That was a secret message.
Seven: Really? I wouldn't have guessed.

Paris: Aaaaaaaa! More Borg!
Korok: Calm down, we're Good Guys. Let's go kick some Borg butt!

Borg Queen: Hey, you're blowing up Unimatrix Zero! That wasn't part of our deal!
Janeway: Gee, sucks to be you.
Borg Queen: Don't make me come over there.

Seven: Will I ever see you again?
Axum: With only one season to go? Not likely.

Janeway: Bye, Queenie.
Borg Queen: Aw, the heck with it. Blow the suckers up!

Kim: I got the away team!
Chakotay: Nuts. Guess I don't get to be Captain anymore.

Doc's Log: We kicked some Borg butt -- again. Oh, and Tuvok sucks even more than usual.

Janeway: You know, being a drone sucked.
Seven: You know, being in love didn't suck.
Chakotay: You know, not being the Captain anymore sucks.
Janeway: Oh, quit your whining.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END