Why Men Are Just Happier...

[Taurik]

ROTFLMFAO!

[Skon]

LOL. You know, you'd never get away with this if Love were still able to post regularly http://expansionfleet.sparks.priorweb.be/ikonboard/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'>

[Vurak Spock]

INDEED! http://expansionfleet.sparks.priorweb.be/ikonboard/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/smile.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=':)'> lol.

VS

[Skon]

Which Vulcan? LOL

[Paris Love]

Recently my father sent me an email describing why men are so much happier!

Why Men Are Just Happier People - What do you expect from such simple
creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress 񙇈. Tux rental -- 贄.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood -- all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is Ű.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

Now, while this may be true for most women, it does not apply to me:

Now surely you don't believe THAT....You're not excluding me from your stereotyping. I admit I'd take a last name, unless it were something stupid, like....I dunno, Hilse, but that's a different case.

Were I to marry, the garage would serve one purpose: storage....or an art studio, I haven't decided. Now chocolate, God knows I love my chocolate. I'd even trade the dog for a chocolate bar, possibly Shannen as well. I suppose that doesn't make it qualify as "just another snack", does it?

Now paying for or planning a wedding will not be one of my concerns; I have such a loving father, he'd do all that for me. I could never be pregnant...because pregnant=fat and fat=not good. That's a no no. Let the man have the baby...Like on Junior!

The world is my urinal! Although I admit, I prefer toilet paper and a private place, a bush and corn cob (Like grandma did in the stone age) will suit just fine. Wrinkles do add character. Forrest (my old old old old uncle) has lots and LOTS of character.

I'd personally wear a tux to my wedding, but Mom wouldn't allow it, so that's out of the question. Now...I don't mean to brag...but I can work up a fairly decent belch when wanted, people have been witness to belches that have cause mass destruction.

Shoes. Women love shoes, which I don't really understand, I own my Adidas and those stripper heels mom bought me. heh heh. Now, you cannot expect one mood from a teen, that's just impossible...unless they're drugged, and if I were to stay happy all the time, it'd freak you out. Think Taryn + Disneyland. Happy happy happy!

See, the only reason women cannot open their own jars is because the men beat them to the Jam and pickle jars and seal it so tightly as to only mock their strength. It gives the men a false sense of knightly hood, being able to save their fair dame from the distresses of stubborn jars.

Being invited by friends to parties? The only party I remember with my friends was my own Birthday party, and I wasn't even invited. *shrugs* Underwear? Who needs it? I personally prefer the breeze. Heh heh.

Strap problems...interesting. I've never worn a jock strap myself, but I'll be sure to try that. Although, I imagine having a jock strap problem in public would be quite similar to having a wedgie. Nothing better to drive people away than to pick your ass in public...that or ask "Does this rash look contagious?"

I should hope my face were to stay the same color. The difference between me and Michael Jackson is I was born white, and I'd like to stay that color, him, on the other hand, seems like he's just trying that color out for a while before he decides he wants to be Latino.

Having the same hair style for years I cannot say I've experienced, but my father seems to compensate for it. *whips out pictures of a man and his son with MULLETS*HA! Shaving my face, I'd try it were the consequence not stubble. See how few cuts I can get the first time; Who doesn't love wearing toilet paper bits on their face?

Everybody has toys, despite their age. They just vary in appearance. Now days people have computers, hand-held games, headphones. We truly live in a day and age where technology changes our lives: computer software that can imitate farting noises, camera phones so that you can moon your best friend, and little AI toys that band together and plot against the inferior human race. I have my computer, it is my "precious".

My big hips are praised, they never fuss with me: Not fitting in pants, looking horrible in bathing suits, having stretch marks, being big of "water weight". No, they're truly manly hips. Shorts, I despise shorts. Not for the fact that they show off my pale, fat legs, like most women would complain about, no, rather that they show off my sexy, manly legs! Nothing is more European than having legs like a Wookie. I constantly have to beat off cats looking for a scratching post, the hair gets are tangled from the wind (it's really frustrating to have to comb leg hair), and other women often harass me about shaving my legs! I'd personally prefer to be a fluffy teddy bear than an abrasive cactus. It'd give my man a reason to want to cuddle in the winter.

Concerning a mustache, I'll have a choice when I'm older, whether I wish to grow out my old lady beard or not, though, it might complement my legs.

Shopping. Personally I don't mind it as long as I'm not paying. Otherwise, I hate going to the mall. I'm compelled to buy the most useless things...if I were to make that habitual, I'd turn into my mother. We can't have that.

Now, tell me I'm not happy with all the liberties I've endowed on myself by not confining myself to womanly morals.

(Edited by Paris Love at 5:17 pm on April 29, 2004)

[Randall Sanchez]

So far, all the people I have let read this "translation dictionary", everyone has agreed that it's pretty much correct :P

[Vorak]

Well she should be back soon, so let's hope she has a sense of humour :P

[Taurik]

Oh, of course, never 'too much', lol :P

[Paris Love]

OFF: My god, even your characters are creepy old men! No, she's not going hunting for anyone, she's still hung up on the vulcan.

[Randall Sanchez]

TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you're dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You're so.. manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like

TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you, too = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay

[Vorak]

Received this joke from work lol

THE STORY OF A MAN'S LIFE

When I was 10, I hoped just to have a girlfriend one day.

When I was 15, I did have a girlfriend, but there was no passion in our relation ship, so I decided to dump her, and look for a passionate girl that bursts out with life, instead...

When I was 20, I had a very passionate  girlfriend, but she was too emotional.  Everything was an emergency to her, she was constantly playing drama queen, cried all the time and threatened with suicide. So I went to look for a girl that was more stable, instead (less labile).

When I was 25, I had a very reliable woman, but she was completely boring. She was totally predictable, and she was never able to be enthusiastic about anything. Life simply became dull, and so I went to look for a woman with more enthusiasm.

When I was 30, I found an exciting woman, but I simply couldn't follow her.  She hurried from one thing into the other, never settling even for a moment. She did the most bizar things, and flirted with anyone she met.  She made me just as unhappy as she made me happy. In the beginning I had a wonderful time with her, but eventually she was just too energetic and chaotic. And thus, I decided to look for a woman with ambition...

When I was 35, I found an intelligent, ambitious woman who had both her feet firmly on the ground, and eventually we married. She was so ambitious, however, that she divorced me and took everything I had away...

Now I am just over 40, and I am looking for a woman with big, big boobs!

[Vorak]

Hahaha! Definitely lol.
Moral of the story: don't distrust your partner too much all the time :P

[Skon]

OFF: Love, good to see you! Skon's not on the station, but I'm also Thomas Jackson, who's currently getting drunk in Celtic Corner. Wander by the bar and say hello http://expansionfleet.sparks.priorweb.be/ikonboard/iB_html/non-cgi/emoticons/wink.gif" border="0" valign="absmiddle" alt=';)'>

(Edited by Skon at 11:47 pm on June 22, 2004)

[Hedford]

It seems her hormones are dedicated to Vulcans :P

[Taurik]

I'm a Vulcan... *looks nervously around the room*